The Lanky Fucker At First Bass.

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Polemic Polemism

Egocentric malaise, somebody's stole my mayonaisse! Welcome to despair grand central whoever you may be. My name is Mr Nicholas Wire. You might know me better as that big lanky bastard with the big mouth. Or as the third best lyricist in the Manics. Either way I do not care. I am a free spirit, a poet if you will. I know who I am.

I am what Camus was to Brie! What Rooney was to Dairylea! Esoteric, cosmetic, polemic, mauseloumic, caramel-peck-neck, byron-emic, cultural.......epidemic! Yes Jeeves!

Nowadays I sit in my mansion, rocking back and forth on my chair all day staring out at all the young ruffians. In my favourite cardy. More and more I find myself reflecting on the days gone by. Asking myself, where did it all go wrong? I mean we were best friends since we were 18.

I am of course referring to that rat bastard morbacile James Dean Bradfield. He hasn't stopped giving me abuse ever since I overtook him as the Fattest Manic. God give me strength. He sent me a shit in the post this morning. I knew it was him because he carved his initials in it with a plectrum. He rang me up earlier on and admitted the crime. "Here's what a healthy shit looks like Nick" he gloated. Alas, I do not care. I love my TV dinners! I love my rocking chair! And I love trying to scare children with dirty looks! (although it doesn't often work).

My bowels are my own business. Just because I have not had a proper shit in a year does not make me a bad person. Anyway I digress....

As you probably know we announced earlier this year that we are taking a 2 year break. Well thats now been made permanent. It's total war between me and Bradfield. He wants to write the lyrics with Sean and push me out altogether. What cheek! He has stopped even reading my lyrics. He says that if he gets another lyric which rhymes with "cultural alienation" with "penetration" that he will send the boys around.

Ha! I've heard that before. It usually means that him and Sean will come around here and try to egg my house."Try" being the important word. They always end up hitting my neighbours windows instead of mine.

Anyway I must be going now. I can hear the next door neighbours dog barking. The Welsh Yolk Artillery are here. Sigh.